how do u punch someone in the face without offending them

(Source: kardashitans, via triptophobia)

precipitates:

shall i compare thee to a summer’s day

thou art sweaty and warm and disgusting please go away

(via theatomicboom)

mrcraabs:

roses are red

violets are blue

sunflowers are yellow

i bet you were expecting something romantic but no this is just gardening facts

(via theatomicboom)

myreligioniskindness:

my brother tried to pick up a banana to make it look like he was talking on the phone but all the bananas in the bunch came with it and he just looked at me and went “i guess it’s a conference call”

(via triptophobia)

weasleysweaters:

If I were in the Hunger Games I would use one of the parachutes and gift containers and put all kinds of poisonous berries in them and then climb trees and send them down to unsuspecting tributes. Oh, you thought you were getting a nice fruit salad? Think again. POISON.

(via theatomicboom)

have you ever gotten to a point in a text conversation where suddENLY EVERYTHING IS CAPSLOCK AND YOU’RE BOTH JUST SCREAMING AT EACH OTHER FOR NO REASON

(Source: prospitheir, via pureklaination)